The Brutal Truth About Why Your Customers Might Secretly Hate You (And How to Fix It)
Most businesses are unknowingly torturing their customers. Here's how to stop.
Not long ago, I was horrified that Revolut took my money without my permission. I had topped up my Revolut account a few times by transferring money from another bank, and noticed that these transactions did not appear on the app.
What’s worse: the money Revolut took out of my account was more than the actual top ups I originally made (pretty sure this is illegal).
The next few weeks proved to be a total nightmare.
Despite proving all the evidence that my money had clearly gone out of my bank account into my Revolut, they refused to acknowledge the error in their system.
Endless phone calls between two banks and multiple departments.
Special dispute claims had to be made (more paperwork and torturous weeks of waiting out of pocket).
As a longtime customer for nearly a decade, this felt like a huge betrayal.
Not only did I feel deeply disrespected, Revolut didn’t seem to care about how much this has damaged my trust and our relationship.
Compare that to when I needed to fix my iPhone. I was travelling in Paris and accidentally dropped it in transit.
I went to the Apple store and the lady went above and beyond trying to find the missing parts for repair as they no longer sold my model.
Sadly they would take weeks to order, and I was only there for the day. She added notes to my file, and by the time I went to the nearest Apple store back in London, they took one look at my file and gave me a new iPhone, for a tiny nominal fee.
No interrogations. No receipts. No delays.
Two companies. Two completely different philosophies about how to treat customers.
Guess which one’s going to get my money again?
Why Most Companies Are Unknowingly At War With Their Customers
After 20 years working in Customer Experience, I've seen this pattern everywhere:
Companies spend millions acquiring customers, then torture them with terrible experiences that make them want to leave.
It's insane.
But here's the irony: Most companies offer Customer Experience that is really focussed on helping the business, rather than the customer. If they genuinely cared about customers, then there would be much more focus on protecting their relationship, rather than transactions.
The Question That Changes Everything
Have you ever wondered how to use Customer Experience to differentiate your brand?
What separates a glorious experience from just a good one?
The Customer Experience Professionals Association defines CX as "the perception that customers have of an organization—one that is formed based on interactions across all touchpoints, people, and technology over time."
But that definition feels cold and corporate, doesn't it? Not to mention a bit overwhelming as it’s all-encompassing.
Here's how I think about it:
You are more than a faceless number being squeezed
through a spaghetti bowl of touchpoints and journeys.
You're a human being with real problems, real emotions, and real expectations.
And most companies have forgotten that.
The 5-Level Framework That Separates Winners From Losers
I've spent years studying what makes some brands magnetic while others feel forgettable.
It comes down to this pyramid. It’s an alchemy of a few important ones – Maslow, Don Norman (Father of UX), along with Forrester and Gartner. The uncomfortable truth: Most companies never make it past Level 2 or 3. The ones that reach Level 5 own their categories.
Level 1: Meets Needs
This is survival mode.
You solve the basic problem without too much hassle. Information is accessible. Things work. Customers can get what they came for.
This is the foundation, but many companies think it's the destination.
It's not.
Level 2: Easy to Use
This is where you eliminate the friction that makes customers want to scream.
Your process feels intuitive. When people need help, they can actually reach someone who understands their problem and can solve it quickly.
No 47-step processes. No making customers repeat their information five times. No "that's not my department" or worse: “computer says no.”
Level 3: Reliable
This is where trust gets built.
Every interaction feels consistent. Your Monday team delivers the same quality as your Friday team. Your online experience matches your offline experience.
Customers start to relax because they know what to expect from you.
Most companies are schizophrenic. Their marketing promises one thing, their product or experience delivers another, and their support acts like they work for a different company entirely. This is what happens when business silos become painfully apparent, often at the cost of the customer’s confidence in your brand.
Level 4: Pleasurable
You're anticipating needs before customers express them. You're making them feel valued and cared for. They can focus on enjoying the experience instead of managing it.
This is where customers start to actually like doing business with you.
But that’s still not going to set your brand apart if your competitors offer similarly pleasurable experiences.
Level 5: Desirable
This is the holy grail.
The pinnacle of brand desire.
Incredible experiences that customers can’t stop talking about and keep coming back for more.
You've created such a powerful emotional connection that choosing anyone else feels like betraying a friend.
Your customers don't just buy your product. They buy into your philosophy. They become part of your tribe. They defend you in comment sections without being asked.
According to Harvard Business Review, the more emotionally connected customers are to a brand, the higher their lifetime value in terms of engagement, advocacy, and loyalty.
The 3 Brutal Truths Nobody Wants to Admit
Truth #1: You can't skip levels
It’s no good trying to create "magical moments" when their basic checkout process is broken.
It's like trying to build a penthouse on quicksand.
Truth #2: Your employees' experience directly impacts your customers' experience
Miserable employees create miserable customers.
If your team is burned out, undertrained, or fighting your own systems, that frustration bleeds through to every customer interaction. They are the lifeblood of your business and deserve to be cared for as much as your customers.
Truth #3: Customers won't always tell you why they hate you
They'll just leave (89% of them actually).
By the time they tell someone they know, they’ve likely told between 9–13 people why your experience is terrible. And that doesn’t even cover the 13% who will tell over 20 people.
The 3 Things That Actually Work
1. Focus on what matters most for customers
Stop trying to be everything to everyone. Pick the top 3 things your customers value most and obsess over delivering those consistently beyond their expectations.
2. Get the foundational basics right first
You can't delight customers if you can't deliver on basic promises. Master Level 1 completely before worrying about Level 5.
3. Think creatively about the smallest details
Deliciousness isn't always found in grand gestures. It's in the tiny details that show you actually thought about the human experience. Especially the ones that matter most to customers, which differs across sectors.
What this really means
Here's what I've learned after years of working with brands across every industry:
Customer Experience isn't a department. It's not a project. It's not something you can outsource or automate away.
It's a philosophy.
Either you believe customers deserve to be treated like humans, or you believe they're obstacles between you and their money.
That belief shows up in every policy, every process, every interaction.
And everyone in the business is responsible for the customer’s experience.
The bottom line
The companies that understand this are building unshakeable competitive advantages.
While their competitors are racing to the bottom on price, they're climbing to the top on experience.
They're not just selling products. They're connecting to the feeling customers get when they interact with their brand.
And feelings, unlike features, can't be easily copied – especially when they build powerful emotional connections and forge lasting relationships.
Ready to stop unknowingly torturing your customers? Start by honestly assessing which level you're operating at. Then focus on mastering that level completely before climbing higher.
Interested in creating better relationships with your customers? Book a call with me to unlock your brand’s deliciousness.